Proxemics is the study of measurable distances between people as they interact.
In a social situation, this distance often discloses information about the type of relationship between the people involved.
The first zone, called the intimate zone, is reserved for lovers, children and close family members or friends. This extends from the point of physical contact with the person to about a forearm’s length, or two feet, away.
The second zone, which extends from two feet away to about four feet away, is for friends or associates that are close, but not necessarily on a regular touching basis.
Between four and 12 feet is the zone reserved for acquaintances, people who are familiar but not close. Those closer to the outer edge of this zone are usually the individuals who are least familiar.
From 12 feet to 25 feet is the zone known to be public distance. This is usually the area of space between an audience and a speaker on stage. It is reserved for larger audiences or strangers.
Beyond 25 feet, one is no longer in proximity.
Source: Mike Sheppard, University of New Mexico
Assume that the person is looking at you:
Pattern 1: one eye to the other, then to forehead; this usually means that the person sees you as an authority.
Pattern 2: one eye to the other, then to nose; this usually means that the person sees you as an equal.
Pattern 3: one eye to the other, then to nose; this usually means that the person sees you as a viable romantic partner.
I’m not sure if Pattern 3 applies when you are wearing lipstick.
Source: The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease)
Have you ever noticed a potential employer mirror your body language in an interview? This should have made you feel at ease because mirroring the body language of someone else is an indication that what they are saying is understood and compelling to the listener.
Here are a some basic signals:
1) When someone crosses his or her arms across the chest, he or she is saying something powerful. If the person is uncomfortable, this is his or her way of creating a barrier. He or she might also look around absently or purse his or her lips.
Look out if he or she is leaning away from you with a harsh or blank facial expression because this is a demonstration of outright hostility.
On the flip side, if the conversation is amicable, this signal means that a person is thinking deeply about what is being discussed…or maybe he or she is just cold. Look for huddling or arm rubbing, which would signify the latter.
2) Eye contact. I’m not going to pretend that this signal is in any way straightforward. It can indicate trust or distrust. It is culturally variant. People with certain psychological disorders don’t make it. Like any other signal, it is just a piece to the puzzle that might help indicate what someone is thinking.
If someone has his or her arms crossed, as described above, eye contact might be an indication that something is bothering him or her, and that he or she wants to talk about it.
When someone is fiddling with something, even when making eye contact, this usually means that their attention is elsewhere.
3) If the eyes and head are both tilted down, this is usually a good indicator of shame.
4) Boredom can be indicated by the tilting of the head, but be careful because this may also be an indication of interest. Ever seen a dog tilt its head? That means its intrigued. Look for extended eye contact and still posture to confirm interest.
A much better, but harder to catch indicator is the eyes. If a person’s eyes become unfocused during conversation, you are boring them.
5) You can usually tell that someone is being deceitful if they touch their face a lot during conversation and blink excessively. Interestingly enough, a lack of blinking is actual a more reliable indicator.
Lie detection is a complicated subject and will be discussed more in-depth at a later date.
Sources: You Say More Than You Think (Janine Driver) & The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease)
Distancing language: used to distance oneself from an aversive situation to avoid thinking about the subject; means of self-deception, but when used orally may indicate that a person is lying.
An example of distancing language would be the derogatory terms created to dehumanize the enemy in times of war. It is a lot easier to kill “Japs” or “Gooks”, rather than other soldiers fighting for a cause they believe in.
The euphemistic references we create for death, saying that the deceased “passed away” or “bought the farm” are also examples of distancing language.
In a conversation, it is fairly easy to detect deception by recognizing when someone is distancing themselves from the truth with his or her words.
The use of pronouns changes when someone is lying. Possessive pronouns like ‘my’ will be replaced by words like ‘the’ in the sentence.
The addition of unnecessary words is also a good indication. “We didn’t see her” may change to, “we didn’t really see her”.
Source: You Say More Than You Think (Janine Driver)
Return back to the post on Paul Ekman’s list of basic emotions, particularly the universal seven.
While it is true that all humans show similar facial signals to exhibit these feelings, almost every other signal is culturally variant - completely dependent on who raises us, where and how.
For example, to indicate ‘yes’, people in the United States will nod their heads. In Bulgaria, people make the same indication by shaking their heads.
Some cultures see the foot as an erogenous zone; others, as the most offensive part of the body.
Japan is also a notorious offender of what we Americans consider appropriate body language. For instance, looking someone in the eyes and smiling is considered disrespectful. Finishing all the food on your plate when you are the guest at somebody’s table is seen as insulting, because in Japanese culture you are telling your host that you were not served enough food to satiate your appetite.
Source: The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease)
Let’s face it, most of us are bad liars. We think that we can strongly convey an attitude by adjusting one, specific gesture. You’re not showing confidence if your chin is up but your shoulders are slouched.
A lot of times we try to impress people by displaying a false self. We act differently than we normal. And it shows.
Unless you are a good actor, your body gives off subtle signals when you aren’t acting genuinely, which confuse the people around you. Act natural, even if you don’t think your natural self is who people want to see.
If you are a shy person, that’s fine. People might find your shyness a bit endearing. An odd mix of conflicting signals will break rapport and trust.
We have enough research to say that nonverbal communication speaks louder than words.
But the definitive meanings we put on gestures have not been proven.
It is not likely that the individual signals themselves actually mean what we perceive them as meaning. But we have defined them by how they make us feel and react.
Here’s the scenario: You’re pitching a story idea to your editor. When you mention the Irish heritage of one of the main players, his jaw clenches and his gaze hardens. You interpret this gaze at face value (ha) and see it as disgust for your story, but you actually just inadvertently reminded to go pick up more soap at the store after work.
Let’s assume your editor hates shopping.
Expression is abstract. No one signal has a definition that fits 100% of the time. Don’t try to be a mind reader. Valid interpretation takes extended observance, not a snapshot of an emotion frozen in time.
“If language was given to men to conceal their thoughts, then gesture’s purpose was to disclose them.” — John Napier (1550-1617), Hands
“Even people who aren’t geniuses can outthink the rest of mankind if they develop certain thinking habits.” — Charles Darwin
Paul Ekman’s list of 17 basic emotions:
From his study of Fore tribesmen in Papua New Guinea, Ekman was able to conclude that there are expressions associated with some emotions that are biologically universal to all humans. The emotions in bold represent these seven.
Source: You Say More Than You Think (Janine Driver)